Question 1: One of the Brotherhoods that I belong to is considering forming a joint group with the Sisterhood.  I was wondering if any of you have such an organization at your Temple, and, if so, how is it working?   

Question 2: What wisdom is out there about starting a Junior Brotherhood and then keeping it going? 

Question 3: How do you make room for a steady stream of new board members with their energy and ideas, if your Men's club is being very successful and current board members value being on the board and don't want to leave it? 

Question 4: Members of our Brotherhood are required to be members of our temple. We are considering changing our by-laws to eliminate this requirement. We feel this may open opportunities to acquire new members who are unaffiliated or unable to join the temple for financial reasons. What requirements does your Brotherhood have for membership? From your perspective do you perceive any pitfalls in making this change? 

Question 5: Our Brotherhood is looking for some new ideas regarding Jewish or Holocaust projects towards which we might direct our funds and that might inspire increased generosity from our congregants despite our economic hard times.  If you've participated in the Yellow Candle Program and discovered or created a worthy program to fund, we'd love to hear your ideas.  

Question 6: How many of you have a website independent from your synagogues and do you find it worthwhile?  

Question 7: What kind of fundraising event can we do?  

Question 8: Our Men's Club is considering doing a Men's Seder.   What experience has your club had with this program?  What did you consider the most positive aspect and was there anything you might like to see improved? 

Question 9: How does your brotherhood promote your activities to your members, the congregation, and the community? 

Question 10: What your Rabbi does or doesn't know about your brotherhood....   

Question 12: What is the best way to communicate with our affiliates? We know that many brotherhood leaders are not opening emails. Will they respond more to our listserv? The message board on the web site? Some kind of blog? Or perhaps twitter? Or a combination of one or more of the above? I would like your feed back. 

Answer 1:  Joint Brotherhood/Sisterhood group. (Back to Top) 

We don’t have any joint groups at my Brotherhoods, but we certainly do joint events.  One of my brotherhoods has a Casino night with the Sisterhood.  The other one co-sponsors camperships and shares in the cost of B’nai Mitzvah gifts.  We have stayed separate, but equal.  We share ideas, but try to provide separate male and female programming to meet the needs of our groups. 

My experience is that Brotherhood and Sisterhood should stay totally separate.  Every program we have done with Sisterhood has ended up with tsouras and agita for us.

If you have a joint group, I can see where it would be immediately dominated by the women, with the men fading in the background and the main purpose of Brotherhood is to get the men involved.  Besides, every temple already has a joint male/female organization: it's the Temple proper.

Figure out what needs are not being met by either group or where the two groups are consistently overlapping in their efforts, and if there are enough places, I would recommend a joint committee or a monthly alignment meeting between the two presidents rather than a whole new organization or blending of the two.  This also simplifies things for the Temple Board, Administration and Members since you won’t have to introduce a new organization.

With the exception of a few joint breakfasts, separation is the best method.

I believe there are good reasons to have two independent groups as well as some joint programming and continuous cooperation.  There are clearly some issues which lend themselves to single-sex programming.  We have had good results with men's Shabbat prayer and study, with Men's Seder, and with men's health programs among others.  Men need their own space.  Brotherhood provides that space in a way no joint operation can. 

Brotherhoods and Sisterhoods should work together and complement each other.  However, there is also a need for men and women to do things separately.

It has recently come to my attention that men need their own activities.  Therefore, we have been trying to have some activities that are for men only.  The Men's Seder is one such event.  In addition, we are in the process of starting a men's discussion group.  Our physical activities such as setting up game booths and the Sukkah tend to be men's only activities.

  Answer 2:  What wisdom is out there about starting a Junior Brotherhood and then keeping it going? (Back to Top)     

Young men relate within their own age group, and have their own networking etc. They would most likely set their own agenda. The age difference is probably the biggest hurdle to overcome for them at a Brotherhood. What may be important topics for discussion to you are not necessarily at the top of their list. If they want to establish such a group it will be. Their school work takes up a great % of their time. Maybe the Brotherhood could offer tutoring to the young men.

Our Brotherhood is a large one and yes we were an older club. About 2 years ago as Nominating Committee Chair I had made some inroads to younger men and now after that time we have about 4 or 5 on our board. They are active and will be VERY active this year. Because of this we now have more, younger men at our meetings. All they had to see was that they were welcome and now getting involved

Answer 3: How do you make room for a steady stream of new board members with their energy and ideas, if your Men's club is being very successful and current board members value being on the board and don't want to leave it? (Back to Top)   

Expand the Board. Pass an amendment to the by-laws adding additional trustee positions on the board.

We are up to 22 board members and it works great.

That is easy.  You expand the board.  Once the new members get on board you move them up.  Rather than tell the others they need to leave the board, you rotate and they start on the bottom again if they want. 

We have a habit of just inviting to our board anyone who has shown some initiative and willingness to be actively involved (and actually are involved). 

We have 2 things in place.  First, the president is termed out at 2 years.  It allows for other board members to move up and not be locked out at higher positions, therefore encouraging new people to come on to the board.  The second question is how to attract new and younger men, since the "old" guys have been around and may want to stick around.  We started a new program that we stole from another group.  We started a father son camping trip to be held in the fall of each year.  This attracted the younger guys with younger children.  In the last 2 years, we attracted almost a dozen "new" guys, and almost half have stepped up to take on responsibility to chair or move on to the board.  We always need to attract the men, and we need to attract the younger ones to keep the old guys in check (just a little humor).

Answer 4: Members of our Brotherhood are required to be members of our temple. We are considering changing our by-laws to eliminate this requirement. We feel this may open opportunities to acquire new members who are unaffiliated or unable to join the temple for financial reasons. What requirements does your Brotherhood have for membership? From your perspective do you perceive any pitfalls in making this change? (Back to Top)   

We do not require Temple membership to be a member of the Men's Club; however we do require Temple membership to be an officer or Trustee of the Men's Club. We have found letting non-Temple members become involved in the Men's Club helps create an affinity to some of the membership, encourages the next step, and these individuals then join the Temple.

I belong to two different Brotherhoods.  Neither has being a member of the congregation as a requirement.  This has been reviewed and approved by clergy and the temple board.  We are reaching out to men, usually Jewish men and/or members of the congregation, but it is not a requirement.  The Brotherhood president is a member of the temple Board of Trustees and does have to be a member of the congregation. 

In our Brotherhood, temple membership is required.  Brotherhood membership is considered a perk to belonging to the temple. No one is denied temple membership due to financial reasons.

We permit non-temple members to be on the Board of Governors; although they can be a committee chair, they cannot be an officer of the Brotherhood. We currently have one man who left the temple but has remained active in Brotherhood and has participated in a number of activities.  Why exclude a worker? We also have an older gentleman that left the temple a long time ago, started coming to Brotherhood meetings a few years ago and rejoined the temple last year -- but that is the first time that this has happened in a really long time -- but it can. In general, no one has a problem with the Brotherhood policy; although, it does not carry over to the other arms of the temple.

This coming year we have decided to open up our membership to non-members as well.  The only requirement is a man must be Jewish or a partner in an interfaith relationship.  We feel this policy will have a benefit to the Brotherhood as we may get increased membership and as a side benefit to the congregation, it will expose unaffiliated families to the synagogue; potentially leading to new members for the community. The one thing we are not changing is you need to be a member of the temple to be an officer of Brotherhood.

Our constitution states we are a JEWISH organization.   To sit on our board you must be Jewish, but, as you can see, anyone can be a member of the Brotherhood, but you need to be Jewish to sit on the board or be an officer.

My Brotherhood allows non-Jews and non-congregation members. One member recently converted and is now officer potential. I would think that there are more benefits to this approach than risks "or pitfalls" and the risks should be able to be dealt with, if they happen. On a side note, our temple is co-located with a catholic church and the two men's clubs have done some joint activities.

For general membership, we require that a person be a member of a temple, not necessarily ours (we do have a few members from other congregations with no or inactive Men's Clubs). To be an officer they have to be a member of our Temple.

Answer 5: Our Brotherhood is looking for some new ideas regarding Jewish or Holocaust projects towards which we might direct our funds that might inspire increased generosity from our congregants despite our economic hard times.  If you've participated in the Yellow Candle Program and discovered or created a worthy program to fund, we'd love to hear your ideas.  (Back to Top)   

Our Brotherhood has used the candles as an opportunity to reach the young people in the congregation with the Holocaust message.  We give the youngest child in each family in our religious school the candle, the associated prayers and a letter asking for donations to the RI Holocaust Museum. 

Although we accept that there are arguments to the contrary, it has been the consensus of our Brotherhood's board that it is inappropriate to turn Yom haShoah into a fund raiser.  That is why we have never participated in the Memorial Candle program.  We have found other ways to raise funds to underwrite our programs.

That is a valid concern.  Our Brotherhood solved that concern by ear-marking any money that was earned for our Holocaust Torah exhibit in our foyer.  At a neighboring Brotherhood it is presented as a service and does not require any payment, but they found that people respond positively to the candles and frequently do make donations.  Although the candles are provided as a service, the funds are used for temple needs including supporting our youth. 

We also have had some drop-off in participation in our Yom HaShoah Candles program and may see more this year.  That being said, we publicize that the proceeds go to our Youth Leadership Grants Program.  Through the YLGP we offer grants to promote the development of the next generation of Jewish leaders.  This program seems to hit a responsive chord.  

We have always enthusiastically participated in the Yom HaShoah Candle Project.  First and foremost, we provide the candles as a service for our temple members for them to remember the Holocaust in a personal, meaningful way.  Members of our Temple have expressed their appreciation for the program. We give our Temple members an opportunity to make a donation.  I think that the symbolic sacrifice of make a donation is important to many.  In some years we have ear marked the donations specifically for Yom HaShoah programs; sometimes it has just gone into our general fund.  However, our general fund is always used, in one way or another, to strengthen Judaism and its institutions; therefore, it is an appropriate use of the donations.

Answer 6: How many of you have a website independent from your synagogues and do you find it worthwhile? (Back to Top)   

Our web site is part of the temple website but each arm has direct control over their site and had to furnish the name of a person responsible for the site.  But it is a work in progress and we really haven't focused in on it.

Our website is similar to yours. It is part of the Temple's but we do not have control over it however we now have the ability to see how many hits go to the Brotherhood part of the Website.

We have our website co-located with the temple website.  An advantage is that it doesn't cost us anything.  But, we have to abide by all site-wide standards, and have to use Sitemaker to maintain our pages.

Answer 7: What kind of fundraising event can we do? (Back to Top)   

Ron Cohen from Dallas gave me a fundraising idea that I hit a home run with. I located a not-for-profit nursery that grew flowers. They showed me what they had & the selection was enormous. I got great prices which I doubled or tripled & sent out a flyer. I sold out of every pot they gave me & made $600 for the Brotherhood in 4 hours. I bought bagels & coffee for the guys & we had a great time. I also got a banner made & got some outside business as well. Let me know if you need some help with this. I also held a MUMS sale in early October from the same people & made another $400. Worked out great.

We have two fundraising events per year.  They are both fairly modest, but that is commensurate with our needs.  In addition to raising a little cash, we have two basic goals for our fundraisers.

1)  That they be community building events, as well.  We want the events to draw congregants into a Temple-wide event in the hopes that they will consider becoming more involved in other Temple activities.

2)  That a significant portion of the money raised comes from people who are not members of the Temple.  We prefer not to draw from the same well too often.  Roughly half of the income from both of our events meets this criterion.

Every Fall, usually on the Sunday of S’lichot, we have a golf scramble. It takes very little preparation time.  We hold it at a public course to keep the price down.  We try to sell hole sponsorships and sometimes we do. For the last 10 or so winters, we put on a sing-along concert.  This takes a lot of time for the one guy who organizes it (clearly a labor of love), but the rest of us just show up.  We just had it on February 13th.  It begins with Havdalah and then we sing about 2 or 3 dozen Tin Pan Alley songs.  It draws across generations, though weighted toward the 50-70 year old crowd.  You may read a bit about it at www.legalmaster.com/lm08000.htm#singalong.  It's developed something of a following over the years, mainly from other singing groups.

We have had a hard time with fundraising.  Our congregation seems to be somewhat challenging when it comes to that, not just for Brotherhood. That being said, we have had some success with two programs.  One is a high holiday greetings program where congregants pay $18 and we send greetings listing people who have contributed to the entire congregation.  Other than that, we did a theatre night with a local community theatre. 

Here in Santa Maria, CA, our Santa Maria Style BBQ is a sure winner. We buy then  sell tickets to the local semi-pro baseball team

Our Brotherhood just completed one of our larger and more successful fundraising events on Sunday. Sunday was our 5th Party Expo. It is an event where we sell booth space to party vendors: party planners, caterers, DJs, photographers, hotels, restaurants, sketch artists, limo companies, etc. Then we invite anyone planning a Bar/Bat Mitzvah, wedding, anniversary, retirement party, bris, whatever, to come and meet the available service people. In addition to selling the booth space, we also sell ads in the exhibitor directory. We use the social hall at Temple for the event. We promote it with email campaigns, articles in the Temple newsletter, ads for about 6 weeks in the Texas Jewish Post, on-screen ads before movies in one of the local theater chains, and by handing out flyers in the religious school and Hebrew school car pool lines at our Temple and other temples in the area. There is no charge for someone to attend. However, children are allowed in only if with a parent.

This year we sold 55 booths to 53 different exhibitors and had over 400 people attend. Also, since we have a stage at one end of the social hall, each year one or more of the DJs brings dancers to perform onstage. We limit acts to 6 minutes with a maximum of 3 performances. Although the acts definitely add to the energy and fun of the event, the noise makes it a bit difficult for conversations. So, short, infrequent acts work best.

You can get a better handle on what Party Expo is all about at the website we set up specifically for it:

www.PartyExpo.info 

Along with all of the info about Party Expo that you will find at the site, you will also find a slide show of this year's Expo showing many of the exhibitors and some of the attendees.

Each year we typically start working on Party Expo just after the High Holidays and then have it the second or third Sunday of February. December is a dead month for promotion. The caterers, restaurants, hotels, and DJs are so busy with Christmas and New Years parties; there is no chance of them responding that month.  Typically we get about 20% of exhibitors who register before December 1, about 40% in January, and about 40% the last two weeks before Expo. As an example, at a committee meeting on January 25 we had only 32 booths sold. By the time we went to press with the Exhibitor Directory on February 8, all 55 possible booths were filled. 

Answer 8: Our Men's Club is considering doing a Men's Seder; what did you consider the most positive aspect and is there anything you might like to see improved? (Back to Top)    

What kind of resistance are you getting?  Is it Brotherhood members themselves, or resistance in your shul regarding having a men only event?  We don’t have such a problem at BHSS because Sisterhood has the Miriam Seder; it would be hard to have no problem with one event and a problem with the other.

Two pieces of advice.  Try to keep things moving along.  The men who attended our event last year got into it so much that we spent too much time in certain parts that we ran out of time.  Encourage discussion, but try to limit the amount of time so you can get through the Seder. 

The other thing is try to get a room which fits the size of your audience.  Small is good; it makes for an intimate event.  I don’t know how many people you expect to attend, but the last thing you need is to have a room big enough to fit a hundred people and all you have is twenty people attending.

This will be our third year of the Seder. We have very positive feedback from our rabbi, who volunteers to lead this, and the men who attend. Even the staff and some of the other congregants have voiced favorably regarding it. We on average get about 30 men. We cater in a "Real Men's Dinner" --meat and potatoes, with veggies and dessert. Those in attendance seem to enjoy the setting, (very casual) and the interaction is great. It gives us all the opportunity to see each other in a different light. We can say things and be ourselves without the women in the room. The feedback sheets only had one negative comment on them for the first year. Some men even bring their sons to the event. Having the cards and writing thoughts following the haggadah, seems to work well for us. 

We've had a men's Seder for the past 2 years and are anxiously waiting to hold our 3rd.  We simply announced by VOICE, our temple communication bulletin, weekly email, sent out by temple executive director, and our own Brotherhood email “Communiqué” and “eVite”. It just seemed our members were looking for this to happen! We've only invited Brotherhood members to date. This year we are considering opening it to all men of the congregation. This may be a good way to attract new members and just add an enhanced feeling of brotherhood and camaraderie. The more the merrier so to speak.
Our first year we had about 15 - 18 attendees. Our 2nd year we had about 32. We believe it will even be bigger this year as we've had nothing but positive feedback and request as to the date.

The first year we had several round tables. The 2nd year we arranged the tables into a large rectangle which worked "very well" as everyone faced one another and had a sense of community. We got a lot of good feedback regarding this table arrangement as being the best.

We serve wine and the first year we had both red and white. No one drank the white so we only serve red. Regarding the food we have the dinner catered, soup to nuts. Some feedback to be aware of: it seems you can never have enough gifilte fish (regardless of how many you think will or will not like it) and horseradish or matzo balls for the soup.

For the service the rabbi and I used MRJ's The Men's Seder with a lot of editing. We met several times to select readings, songs, jokes and points of interaction amongst our guest. A hand washing station was a big hit. The rabbi plays guitar and has a nice voice so we sang several songs. We didn't think the singing part would go over well and when we thought of not doing the final song everyone said they wanted to sing and we enthusiastically went along.  

It has really turned into a very engaging, meaningful and participatory event that we now look forward to each year.

We charge $25.00.  We provide a full dinner and serve good quality wine.  This year, perhaps half the guys will be men in the early 40's and the other half are the more senior guys like me that have been around for 30 years.  In addition to using the MRJ Men's Haggadah, there are supplemented readings that the rabbi will provide.

One thing that we encourage is the "Freedom Plate."  Each man is encouraged but of course it is optional, to put something on the Freedom Plate that has helped set him free during this past year.  As an example, a man may put his telephone on the plate and then at some point will get up remove his cell phone and say, that from the time he arrives home and until his children go to sleep the telephone remains off.  Another may put a gym card on the plate and say that he had a heart attack and has now joined a gym and is taking better care of himself, etc. The Freedom Plate encourages personal reflection.

Last year, Rabbi Shapiro asked men to get up and tell the men something about themselves that no one knows- sort of like a personal secret.  One guy said that on his way to Hebrew School, he used to stop off at the candy store and steal candy.  Regrettably, so did I.

Answer 9: How does your brotherhood promote your activities to your members, the congregation, and the community? (Back to Top)  

We have an email list serve to send to. Also there is a weekly announcement that goes out via email to the entire congregation. A monthly bulletin is also used. Brotherhood has its own page with calendar accessible from the temple web site. Also the BH events are listed on the temple calendar. I also write an article for the local Jewish News monthly. And of course---word of mouth!! If we have an event that we want greater participation in, we have the religious school send home flyers or announcements with the students.

Our primary communications is through email. However, instead of a listserv, which would provide us no information about delivery or readership, we use an email service provider (STADISmail at www.stadis.net). We have separate lists for Brotherhood members and total Temple membership, plus specialized lists like potential exhibitors for our annual Party Expo. Also, the service gives the recipients the ability to RSVP to an event with only one click and then it tabulates the responses for us giving us both the number and letting us know who they are. The Temple also sends out emails Temple-wide where they will include our announcements. Typically, the information in the emails is limited but directs recipients to our website that has greatly expanded information about our activities and a complete calendar of all activities. The Temple also mails out a monthly printed bulletin where Brotherhood has a dedicated page. For events like the Party Expo, we have tried some interesting promotion techniques, including showing ads before the movies at local theaters. However, with all of these techniques, the email broadcasts seem to be the most effective.

Ken Wolf here President of the Brotherhood at Temple Beth El, Santa Maria, CA.(home of the world famous Santa Maria style BBQ {next BBQ is May 23rd chicken dinner}.I write an article for the Temple Bulletin and website. Our Temple president includes our events when he makes his announcements at Friday Shabbat services, and word of mouth.

We also get the word out by email & the Temple sends out a monthly bulletin to the the entire congregation. My wife also contacts the local newspapers & sends in a flyer to the Staten island cable company which gives us free advertising. It really helps us get the word out

We do a listing in our Temple's Bulletin and then follow up with direct email to all Men's Club members that we have email addresses for.  We are working on being allowed to send notice of events to the Jewish Week as well.

In Nevada we use all means possible.  We send weekly e-mails, we put our events in the temple bulletin, and we have direct mailings as well as our web site and the temple’s web site.  If we have a major event we will form phone committees and speak to the members on a personal level.  We have announcements at services as well as on the message boards around the synagogue.  We are fortunate that we get the support from our synagogue and clergy that we do.  It allows us total access to the members of the Synagogue.  Also, every board member is encouraged to speak to as many people as possible to promote Men’s Club, the camaraderie that we promote and our programs of cores

 (Back to Top) 

During the past several weeks, the MRJ national office sent out a series of membership dues reminders to a number of our affiliates that had yet to pay us for the 2011-2012 ending fiscal year.  As their failure to pay could lead to their disaffiliation from MRJ, we thought it only appropriate that the senior rabbi of the congregations receive a copy of the letter.

Some of the brotherhood leaders had no problem with this. Others complained, quickly and LOUDLY! feeling that it was ‘an internal issue’ and not the rabbi’s business.

-          Do you agree/disagree with that last statement?

-          Does your rabbi even know you are affiliated with MRJ?

-          Does  the rabbi know that a portion of the membership dues you collect is forwarded to MRJ? and why?

-          What does your brotherhood feel is ‘private’ and not to be shared with others  in the congregation?

I anticipate a lively discussion/debate

Shabbat Shalom

Doug Barden

MRJ Executive Director 

A few years ago my local Brotherhood had inexplicably withheld dues from MRJ. Despite friendly letters and emails from MRJ to the President, no payments were forthcoming. Finally, MRJ by email requested us to meet with the President, and also copied the Senior Rabbi. Our Rabbi is a strong leader, and probably was unaware of the dues issue. However, once made aware, the dues payment was quickly received by MRJ.

As an EC member of MRJ who also serves on the committee involved with dues relief, I am a strong advocate of bringing the Senior Rabbi into the conversation. Besides our own experience (described above), and the likelihood of little or no knowledge of the dues issue with MRJ, I also believe the Rabbi can intercede on a number of levels. Unless the Rabbi is treating the Brotherhood as some illegitimate step child of the congregation, an experienced religious leader can lend suggestions to make the path to dues payment easier, and also perhaps become involved in a small way where there was no previous involvement.  Further, if there is some internal pressure on the Brotherhood to help support non-Brotherhood synagogue interests financially, the Rabbi may realize that there are additional financial obligations on the Brotherhood which really should "come first", and not the other way around. Ultimately, we are all partners (the Brotherhood, MRJ, congregations, clergy) so involving the Rabbi should not be looked at as a negative.
Paul Cohen
Assistant Treasurer
MRJ 

This is going to be a bit long, but I've been on a bit of an edgy Brotherhood kick lately and this is just another fly in the ointment...

Yah, we got that note from Rich this week.  With regards to Brotherhood being the rabbi's business, I'm probably in the minority, but I think it's a bit presumptive.  Admittedly, I was a little perturbed about it, but more because the rest of the distribution list seemed to be a random selection of our key leaders (and excluded our treasurer) and that we had just sent our membership list in to Rich Fishkin (and made arrangements with our treasurer to send in the dues).  

Basically, I didn't completely object to the rabbi being copied, but I'm pretty sure she's not about to respond.  Consider that we (and probably a lot of other Brotherhoods) have an "official" staff liaison and in our case it isn't the rabbi, but instead, the only man on Touro's staff, our cantor (I'm not yet sure he's all that happy about having Brotherhood dumped on him yet, but that's a different topic for another day).

I do think that it's more of an internal issue and basically all you're doing is giving the rabbi a peak into a longer process that may actually be working.  Again, in our case, she would have had no clue that we were already getting our ducks in a row and getting our stuff sent out.  It's a little like hearing that God opened up the earth to swallow Korach without hearing anything else about why.

Our rabbi knows we are affiliated with MRJ, as does our cantor, but, and I recently pointed this out to Rich Fishkin, I'm not sure either of them have really bought into MRJ and with our cantor being a recent graduate of HUC and not knowing what JCS or ROC are tells me that we still aren't reaching our newly ordained cantors and rabbis to the extent that we'd hope - we still have our work cut out for us.

I've always assumed that the rabbi knew that we send a portion of our dues to MRJ but I could be wrong, and I'm almost certain that both her and the cantor think that the only reason is to maintain our affiliation with MRJ and nothing else.

As for what our Brotherhood thinks is private and not to be shared?  Well, we know it when we encounter it.  It's more about general discretion over our board communications than anything else.  For example, many of us certainly have opinions about how our Sisterhood operates - these occasionally come up when discussing joint programming opportunities, but it's a discussion that never leaves our board meeting.  Otherwise, we certainly aren't intentionally secretive about any of our affairs.

There, that ought to help fuel the fire a little...

Yours in Brotherhood,
Dan Checkman (Touro Synagogue, New Orleans)

Normally, I'm a lurker and don't contribute much.  If MRJ finds this method is effective in collections, then I'm thinking that perhaps the INITIAL billing could be copied to the Rabbi and/or Executive Director.  I'm just offering this - knowing that it may not be so simple, and it might not be feasible because it may be too much work for MRJ staff. 

That said, it serves many purposes:

1.  The Rabbi or Executive Director is then aware of MRJ and it's dues structure (if s/he isn't already).

2.   It's proactive and if done initially, it's procedural, not selective  It doesn't insult anyone, because it is done for everyone.

3.   Reminder notices could also be sent to the Rabbi or Executive Director - and this way, it would not be the first time they know about it.  Learning about it once dues are delinquent puts everyone in an awkward position.

My two cents that might sell for a penny on eBay.

One last comment.  Regardless of whether there is a good or bad or non-existent relationship between clergy and Brotherhood, I'm not sure why a Rabbi would want to get involved in the financial operations of an auxiliary.  Is this really an effective way of collections?  Must be - yes???

Dave Berenhaus

Past President - Baltimore Hebrew Congregation  Brotherhood

We had a discussion on this subject a few months ago when the new dues structure was announced. I'll admit it was a bit odd for our Presidents and Treasurer to describe, and Brotherhood members who were not fully informed about what MRJ represents saw it as a bit of a scheme to essentially raise funds. As a result a lively dialogue ensued about the value of MRJ. Those of us who value the work of MRJ were in the majority. However, we have our own Board of Directors who vote on Brotherhood business. We have in the past voted against initiatives of our Rabbi, Cantor and even Board of Directors. That made some members uncomfortable at times, but to others it was a sign of dedicated members who are independent thinkers, and common ground was always found. In that light, it would seem that the only reason MRJ would contact the Rabbi would be to enlist his/her support for continued membership. The Rabbi may not know what went into the decision not to join. I believe that Brotherhood business is Brotherhood business, and do not think it is the place of MRJ to go behind the backs of an organization that has it's own governing body. I also would hope and expect that a group who made this decision advised the clergy and Temple Boards of their decision. The Rabbi then may have resources to help them make a better decision. Interesting dialogue.
Dr Warren H Landesberg

Past President, Temple Israel of Northern Westchester Brotherhood
Croton on Hudson, NY
Not only are our clergy aware of our affiliation, but the entire congregation is so informed annually with the Congregation's annual dues invoive (see attachment) and periodically with statements in our Temple Bulletin. I believe our clergy is non-committal about Brotherhood's obligation to MRJ and would prefer not to be involved. Our Brotherhood usually submits our dues in the November/December time frame after we receive an up-to-date accounting from the Temple's Accounting office which collects our dues each year. (The Temple's fiscal year is 1 July to 30 June and there are always late payments to the Temple.) We believe that the involvement of the clergy in this matter is very individualized and, in fact, could be counterproductive in some instances. In our own case, since we pay our dues annually as stated, the issue is moot. WE think you should ask each delinquent Brotherhood and accede to their wishes.
Bob Golosov & Bob Ricles

Interesting comments. 

The Brotherhoods are an auxiliary of the congregation.  They may operate independent, either by design or by acknowledgment that those in charge are doing a good job.  Our congregation has both the Sisterhood and Men's Clubs Presidents on the Temple Board of Directors.  These groups are "affiliated" with the congregation and would not exist were it not for the Temple at large.  These groups also reflect directly on the overall perception of what the Temple has to offer to new and existing members.  They are all tied to one another.

I see nothing wrong with communicating with the Rabbi and Temple President of what is happening with the local group and the national organization.  They may decide to turn a blind eye, but that is their choice.  It is imperative that MRJ's message is communicated to all appropriate governing bodies at each congregation, no matter what the issue.

Temple Ahavat Shalom, Northridge, California

retired president

Although we are an auxiliary of our Temple, as I assume are all Brotherhood chapters, we operate independently of the Temple. However the Temple's officers and membership are made fully aware of our activities. Our Brotherhood President is an ex officio voting member of the Temple Board. The Temple's current and past Presidents and Financial Secretaries are very active in Brotherhood meetings and activities. Brotherhood writes a regular column in the Temple's quarterly publication and also reports on its activities at the Temple's annual meeting.

If, unlike the situation at our Temple, there are Temples who do not keep abreast of Brotherhood's activities it seems to me that this is their choice and that it it is not MRJ's responsibility to affect that relationship.

With respect to the specific instance of a chapter's delay in paying its dues to MRJ there are many reasons why this may be happening and I do not think that MRJ should routinely inform the Senior Rabbi or any Temple official. Since notices of 2012-13 dues have not yet been sent out I assume that the delays that resulted in MRJ sending a copy of the reminder to the senior rabbi were less than a year old. It seems to me that this was premature. MRJ should not send a copy of correspondence to anyone else at the Temple until the delay is more than a year old and MRJ has had sufficient contacts with the Brotherhood chapter to believe that there is a serious possibility that the chapter will never pay and that disaffiliation is a serious possibility.

Our answer to your other specific questions are:

-Our rabbi knows we are a member of MRJ

-He knows that we send a portion of our dues to MRJ. I assume that he understand that we do that for the same reasons that the Temple belongs to other national organizations: to support them and because of the assistance that they may provide to us when needed.

-Our meetings are open to any member of the Temple who may wish to attend, since we assume that if he were interested in attending he might become interested in joining.In all of my years of participation I do not recall our ever holding an executive session, but I assume that we might do so if there were some sensitive personnel questions to discuss.

Maurice Axelrad, President
Temple Shalom Brotherhood
Chevy Chase, MD

I suppose each Synagogue has its own culture. As for Temple Beth David, I would not agree with contacting our rabbi with routine MRJ matters. However, if disaffiliation were eminent notifying the rabbi would be appropriate. I don’t see that happening with our Brotherhood. Our Brotherhood operates fairly autonomously. We raise our own funds and pay our own bills.

If you can not collect membership dues, I think that personal contact with the Brotherhood President (telephone call or meeting) would be more effective than contacting the rabbi. If that didn’t work, you might contact others on the Key Leader list.

As to the other questions:

I have had discussions with our rabbi about our affiliation with MRJ, and particularly the concerns of MRJ about the involvement of men in Reform Judaism. She understands and is supportive of our efforts to meet the needs of Jewish men.

I don’t believe the rabbi knows what portion of membership dues is forwarded to MRJ. She hasn’t asked me. The dues are only a portion of the funds we raise, and we are very generous in support of the Temple.

We freely share with the congregation what we contribute. We will share our financial information with members of Brotherhood or any congregant that asks. While our finances are not secret, we do not widely publish them. We like to set our own agenda for our funds; we do not want to encourage others to try to impose their agenda on us.

Jeff LeBoff

Outgoing President

Jack Broscow Brotherhood of Temple Beth David

Our Temple Rabbi is fully aware we are involved with the MRJ although he does not get involved with the Brotherhood politics nor does he get involved with the dues payments at all of any kind. I would not contact him at all with this issue & I don't  think he would want to get involved with it anyway. Our Rabbi knows we raise money through various venues & pay our own bills to.

Collecting dues is very cumbersome sometimes. A nudge here & a nudge there sometimes does the trick. 

Our Rabbi has asked me how our relationship with the MRJ is going but that is the extent of it. He doesn't need to get involved with this. If we didn't pay are MRJ dues & he got a letter I could seed the backlash from a mile away. I put the MRJ dues as a line item on our budget. Doug please email me if for some reason we don't pay are dues as we don't try & skirt are obligations but if we encounter problems we work with everyone.

David Meltzer
Brotherhood President Temple Israel Reform Congregation Staten Island New York

I see both sides of the controversy. On the one hand nobody likes to be dunned, and the recipients could consider this tactic to be "blackmail" or "shaming." On the other side, MRJ needs the financial support.

As president of our local Brotherhood I received a reminder, sought specifics from our Treasurer about the dues check that he issued (and was cashed), challenged MRJ, and found out they failed to annotate our payment in their database separate from their QuickBooks accounting database which balanced even though our check was deposited. This is a downside of using two separate databases which are not linked.

I asked our Chair of the National Programs Committee, Art Gershman, to ask our rabbi if he had received such a notice. He responded that he didn't remember receiving one, but his reaction was that it was the same kind of thing he receives from URJ about the MUM. I suspect this is where MRJ leadership may have gotten the idea.

This brings me to a problem that I believe MRJ has. In our local Brotherhood there is always someone on our board who brings up the issue of voluntary disaffiliation. This is a constantly repetitive motif. There is the perception that MRJ is not relevant, and/or the dues are not worth the service or are too high. I know this is merely a perception because you guys, Dan, Doug, Ira, Ton, Aaron, Paul and all the officers work your diligently to provide meaningful programs for the locals. But as we say here in Washington (the metro DC area) "perception is reality." I think there should be a discussion of how to overcome this perception.

Yours in Brotherhood,

Roger Smith, President

Beth El Hebrew Congregation, Alexandria, VA

I find this to be an interesting and salient discussion to have.

How are we viewed and why are we viewed that way?

It is very possible that a large number of Brotherhoods belong to MRJ for the single reason that

they need to do it because of a national presence or for (for lack of a better word) guilt,

not because of what we bring to the table, as good as some of it actually is.

The perception is “No bang for the buck”.

On the other hand, the stuff is there and the Brotherhoods won’t spend the time and energy to research and utilize fine programming.

Ron Cohen

Past President

Temple Emanu-El Brotherhood Dallas, TX

EC MRJ

Ron,

I encounter that problem with my Brotherhood. I try to utilize what the MRJ brings to the table but some just don't get it or want to get it. I had Ira come speak to the Brotherhood in October of last year & while it helped I still have members who feel we don't need the MRJ.

There also the ones who don't attend the Men's Seder which I push or participate in Yom Hashoah candle program.

My Brotherhood is aging to so that doesn't help us either. The perception of what have they done for us lately also persists.

I'm not giving up.

Dave Meltzer

Brotherhood President Temple Israel Reform Congregation Staten Island New York

We are looking into the idea of building a connection with younger men in the congregation thru our Men's Club sponsoring a team to participate in a league with teams from local Men's Clubs/Brotherhood chapters. Such a league would need to be set up, likely with the JCC and other Men's clubs' involvement.
Do you have experience with setting something like this up? What should we know, what pitfalls should we avoid, what specifics can you offer us to help us down this path toward success?

The intention would be to engage with younger men such that we generate participation and relationships between these men and the Men's Club, so they will to guide us and help generate greater future involvement of younger men as Men's Club members.

B'Ruach,

Bruce Preville
Youth Leadership, Speaker Series Chair
Congregation Shir Hadash Men's Club

Committed to seeking out and bringing forth initiatives that build the future of Congregation Shir Hadash.

In Montgomery County, Maryland we have a softball league made up of Men's Clubs from congregations of the various Jewish movements.
In the spring, we had 22 teams from about 16 or 17 synagogues.  This fall, we have just 7 teams.  That is pretty typical in terms of interest in the spring vs. the fall.
In the spring, we have stricter rules like each player must be associated (usually by dues, sometimes by employment) to the synagogue or associated schools.
We have one notable exception that I will describe later.
In the fall, synagogues get together to form teams and we allow alumni (former members) to play.
We try to discourage ringers.

I was not around when the league started, but I heard that it started with 7 teams.  An odd number of teams is not a good idea because it means that some team has a bye week.
When they went to play the first games, there was another team practicing on the field.  They invited them to join in so that they would have 8 teams.  It was a neighborhood team and had nothing to do with a Synagogue.  They are still in the league 25 years later and they are the only team (as documented in the league rules) that does not have to be associated to a Synagogue.  There are many Jewish guys on the team, but they are certainly not exclusive.

The league has a commissioner (sometimes co-commissioners).  The main jobs are:

• to run the annual coaches meeting where league rules are established and changed.  Trophies to the prior year winners are awarded.
• to work with the local park system to secure permits for the fields
• the payment can be sizeable and usually has to be made prior to receiving payments from the teams.  So, it would be helpful for a well-to-do men's club to front the money.
• to work with the umpire association to arrange umpires for the games
• when games need to be canceled, the commissioner is the point of contact to cancel the umpires
• and, of course, to settle disputes

Two of my good Men's Club buddies, Mike Thornhill and Bob Ingrum, both reached out to me to address your question.  About fifteen years ago, I got Temple Ahavat Shalom involved with the Synagogue Softball league here in the Los Angeles area.  I have served as a team manager and as a member of the league's executive committee.

The Synagogue Softball league here plays on Sundays at six fields across the San Fernando Valley and West Los Angeles.  The fields are at public parks and the league pays fees to the City of Los Angeles Recreation and Parks Department.  our schedule runs from the last Sunday of January through sometime in June (depending on rainout makeups, park availability, etc.).  The league is technically a private league using public facilities, so we are sometimes pushed aside by either special events at the parks or by the scheduling of the city's own leagues.  We have challenges getting a commitment for fields for our entire season because the city will put its leagues where it wants and they don't always know how many fields they need until their sign-ups are filled in February or March.

Our league has a commissioner who has served in that role since the league's inception.  He is currently looking to transition out of the role if he can find a suitable successor to take training this year.  Much of the success of the league is owed to his individual efforts.  It would definitely help to have a committed leader to take point on the effort.

In addition, we have had an executive committee for the league for at least the last 10 years.  The committee used to meet a few times in preparation for the season, then as needed to address issues that came up during the season.  In recent years, the committee has not met in person, but each member has aided the commissioner with certain tasks (rules, umpires, scheduling, postseason events, etc.) and most issues addressed to the full committee are presented via email.  Even committee votes are often conducted by email.  In a formative stage, however, I strongly recommend that a committee is formed and that they actually meet to address progress with various aspects of league business.

There are probably a number of questions that need to be addressed in order to get started:

• What synagogues or other Jewish groups would be invited?  (We focus on synagogues and players are supposed to be synagogue members in order to play on the synagogue's team.  We have a "grandfathering" rule that allows players to stay with their teams even if they drop their synagogue membership, as long as the player has been with the team for at least two seasons.)  If you are trying to make a synagogue men's club league, you may have to get even tighter on membership to require men's club membership.
• What style of softball will be played?  Our Synagogue Softball league plays modified fast-pitch, but other synagogue/Jewish leagues I know of play slow pitch or high arc.
• On what day or night will you play?  We play on Sundays, with game times at 9:00am, 11:00am, and 1:00pm.  Other leagues play on a weekday evening, which may limit game times to 7:30pm and 9:00pm (what Los Angeles city leagues use).
• What will the league cost?  This is generally based on actual costs.
• The city likely charges for fields and may require a league or team-by-team bond.
• The league should also provide balls.  Count one per team per game, given to manager as a pre-season meeting, plus balls for playoff games.
• Umpires - they may be coordinated through the city or privately, with a private relationship probably offering some flexibility on what and how they are paid.  My league pays fees to the league and the league pays the umps while Los Angeles city leagues require managers to bring cash to the umpire at each game.
• Awards - You should also plan to have the costs of awards built into the league fees - trophies or shirts are traditional awards.  Our synagogue league gives first and second place team trophies and individual trophies to each player on those teams' rosters.  T-shirts for the winners and runners-up may be cheaper.  We have also had an all-star designation by each team, sometimes with an actual all-star game, with each designated all-star getting a league all-star shirt.
• There may be other costs you wish to build in - charitable contribution, postseason event, or other expenses.  In our league's early years, there were bagels and cream cheese on a card table for the start of the 9am games...but this was dropped a few years ago as we needed more fields and delivery became a bigger issue/inconvenience.
• What rules will be used?  I know this sounds a little strange, but our league has a rule sheet where we have specific rules that apply to all or part of our league.  We have four divisions, and the lower two divisions (more "recreational" play) have an allowance for two courtesy runners each inning instead of the traditional one found in our more competitive divisions.  We also have rules that cover pitching, sliding on close plays, and a number of other subjects.  I can provide a copy if needed.  Ultimately, a standard rule book (such as the ASA rule book) has to apply for all issues not specifically addressed in the league rules.

When I started the team at Temple Ahavat Shalom, I was a new temple member and a new men's club member.  I approached the men's club as a place to recruit players and, I hoped, get some financial support.  For a number of years, we had hats that bore the men's club's logo in return for a couple of hundred dollars toward uniforms and league fees.  After a couple of years, as men's club members were just a small portion of the softball team, I stopped asking for support.  A few of the synagogues in our league still run their organizing through their men's clubs, going so far as to have players pay the men's club the shares of the league fee and having the men's club cut the check to the league.  It is just a matter of each organization's preference.

I know I've just dumped a lot back on you.  Please take some time to absorb and formulate your own questions.  Your local city recreation and parks department may have resources available to help you get a private league organized.  It would be worth a call or two.  If you would like to ask questions or discuss these matters further, please feel free to email or call me (818-832-7874).  If I don't have the information you need, I can probably get it through my own league connections.

Regards,

Joe Blachman

You should have your temple team manager get this California guy in touch with the MSSL Commissioners.  I am sure they would provide informational assistance.

Hope things are well.  I won’t be back in the US until 10/26/12.

Michael R. Pinta,

Contact their organization for comments on this.

Ron Cohen

Regards and best health,
Paul Zohn

I prefer email. I'm not very familiar with the listserv, I am registered, but cannot seem to find the time to use it and become proficient with it's utility.

I am a big fan of the List Serve. Last month I posted a question regarding Interfaith Haggadahs. I received one response directing us to AJC in Washington DC. I am sorry that I do not recall who sent me the suggestion but as it turned out it was right on target. We were able to download the Haggadah which will be incorporated into our next Interfaith Seder. But the underlying problem still remains. How do you get brotherhood leaders to participate in MRJ communications, regardless of the format, if they are not interested in participating?
At Beth-El of Great Neck I continually bring this topic up at my brotherhood. I am also on the Brotherhood Agenda each month to describe the current activities of MRJ. It is only through cajoling that we participate in webinars; even though, the response from Beth-El participants is always positive.
It is certainly a daunting challenge.
Regards,
Elliot

Communication has been a challenge long before Moses brought the (stone, not electronic) tablets down from the top of the mountain. Different folks listen and respond in different ways.In earlier times, town criers provided a form of mass communication when our communities were small. Oral communication from the bemah continues this tradition. (Hardcopy) Newspapers served well for any years for those whom can read. A WW II veteran living in Sun City, Kansas, canceled his subscription to the Wichita newspaper when the newspaper decided that same day delivery was too expensive and started using the US Postal Service. He explaining that he did not want to read history.
Beth El established a web site a few years ago but it is now some six months without being updated because:
1) we are moving to a new platform, promised almost daily for some six months.
2) we have established a FaceBook account which works fine for those folks that have a FaceBook account and take time to read. I don't have a FaceBook account (or any other social media) because:
a) it is one more place to look for information,
b) I am not comfortable about the security on FaceBook and other social media.
Brotherhood of Beth El's web site has a link to Men of Reform Judaism's web site only because I facilitated it at an earlier time.
Robot telephone calls are used to try to communicate one way.
I appreciate (gentle reminder, not solicitation) telephone calls on my telephone message machine at home and at work.
Telephone banks are used to try to communicate two way. I believe that personal contact, in any form, is the best way to communicate. The form of communication of personal contact will vary, depending on what works best between specific individuals. Our local problem which we need solved is meeting a goal of 100% of men of Beth El joining Brotherhood and being actively involved. Only local action can help solve our problem which is functionally unsolvable because:
1) some men have very limited fiduciary resources,
2) some men have aged up and do not have an interest or ability.
It is recommended that:
National Brotherhood use as much diversified communication media as can be afforded, and maintained.
Post that same identical information on:
1) Listserv
2) Web site
3) FaceBook
4) Twitter
5) Hardcopy magazine
Consider a monthly or weekly posting on each individual congregation's listserv.
The thoughts of one.
I hope this feedback is helpful.
Shalom,
Roger Smith

I tend to use the Listserv. I admit I should use site more often as it is a great resource.

I still like to read the messages from listserv and the responses. If our brotherhood has a problem, I would look on the website as to where to get the best answer depending what kind of problem it is. I don't go to the website that often so I like to be alerted by email somehow.

Daniel A. Mayer
President, BHC Brotherhood
Baltimore Hebrew Congregation

First of all, I don't think that low attendance is always a bad thing and that we often get too caught up in using attendance as a surrogate measure for program success.  On the one hand, if you're putting on a health fair or bringing in a big-name guest speaker, getting only 10 guys to show up is usually disappointing and occasionally embarrassing; but as an example of where attendance should not be used as a measure of success, consider the Men's Seder.  Personally, I would much rather have 10 men attend and participate than 60 or 100 due to the more intimate nature of the program and the opportunity for 10 individuals to EACH participate more wholeheartedly than when in a larger group, where a handful of guys may dominate the discussion.  Basically, don't get too caught up in the numbers - in every case, it's about the experience. Now, here are some suggestions for increasing attendance at those events that really demand some sort of critical mass to be successful...
(1) Know your target audience and the nature of your program; set your expectations before your program is even on the calendar.  Among the things to consider is whether or not you would really go out of your way to attend the event.  Where would you prioritze your attending the event - what would rank higher?  There are more than enough activities that we plan that have terrific and valuable content, but honestly, don't compete with getting a good workout on a Sunday morning or staying home to watch a sit-com on a Wednesday night.
(2) When you've honestly answered the questions to #1, then you can start looking at calendars and selecting days and times for your programs.  If it's something important, but guys aren't going to go out of their ways to get to it, then bring it to them when they are already there:  Friday nights, Saturday mornings, board meetings, etc.  Not everything has to happen on a Wednesday night or a Sunday morning when your men have to make more of a sacrifice to be there.  When and where you schedule your program probably plays the biggest role in your attendance.
(3) Publicity is important and relying on only one media outlet is not usually effective.  Consider my own congregation.  There are more times than not that I've heard a Brotherhood leader say, "well, I put something in the bulletin about it" only to have only 5 men show up.  My usual response is, "who reads the bulletin, cover to cover?"  Having it in print just means that it is going to happen.  You need to have some sort of verbal outreach to get your men to make it a priority.  Have it in the announcements at services.  Literally, talk it up - get on the phone and call your members and/or approach them at onegs and kiddushes.  Consider using Evite or Facebook and don't be afraid to get a little obnoxious with the guys who don't respond at all or give you wishy-washy excuses for not coming - challenge them:  why not?  what else do you have that night/day that's better than this?
(4) Get someone important to attend.  If it's appropriate, make sure your rabbi(s) and/or temple president show up.  If they aren't going to buy into it, then why should you expect the average congregant to get involved?
(5) Consider your gimmicks or incentives.  Free food, tchotchkes, door prizes, making it sound like a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity, etc.  Sometimes this stuff actually works.  Either way, make your attendees feel important, like they are performing the greatest mitzvah on earth.  Gratitude goes a long way (or at least to the next event).
(6) Solicit feedback about your program from the attendees.  Have them fill out a survey at the end and consider asking questions about other things they'd like to see.  They came once, so would they come again?  Would they recommend Brotherhood to their friends?
Dan Checkman
Touro Synagogue, New Orleans, LA

We have had some success with a film series.  One of our Board Members is a film producer who has done films for ESPN.
Andy Chait
Emanu-El (NYC)
130 Brotherhood Members
2600 members

I am convinced that the most important part in getting younger people to participate is to let them lead!  Young men hold responsible positions all week long and then they come to Brotherhood and are told ..."But we never did it that way"  or "Here is how to do this..." If you want them to participate, ask, then ask them to lead, and then get out of the way.  Let them do whatever it is their way and stand ready to help but not to lead.  Not every program is going to be a success if all you count is numbers.  A successful program is one where the attendees go away hopeful that they can participate more and that they can tell their friends to join them. 
I consider the best part of my Brotherhood's current situation that I am one of the oldest members at the table.  When I first sat at that table in 1988 I was at least 15 years the youngest person in the room. 
They elected me President.
Stu Aaronson
Temple Beth-El
Providence

Dave it's a shame when you can not get more people to participate at any kind of event. I believe it has always been the few who create, put on events and who attend. We have tried evite, emails and personal phone calls to drum up more people at events. It alway comes down to the personal contact that get people that works the best. I can only hope you will keep trying to get more involved.
Bryan Alexander
Beth Knesset Bamidbar
Lancaster, Calif.

This is Dave Meltzer from Temple Israel Reform congregation Staten Island New York. My congregation has decreased by almost 20% in the past three years. With it the Brotherhood has gotten much smaller. I average about 15 members for our monthly meeting. The biggest turnout I have had recently was when MRJ President Ira Warsharsky visited us last year. The congregation is also aging which is a bigger problem for me. We are the only reform temple on Staten Island but attracting new members has become a very hard sell. I have tried everything to try & attract new members whether they are young or old. It has been difficult. I have also been doing this for 7 years now. Its the same crew all the time to contribute or pitch in. I welcome any ideas that could promote some change.
Dave Meltzer
Brotherhood President
Temple Israel Staten Island New York 10301